Top 10: 90's

The 90's were undeniably the greatest ten years of human existence thus far. Best ten things out of the decade? Here we go:

10. Dunkaroos:
Best after school snack ever, bar none. Specifically, the ones with the cinnamon cookies and the sprinkles in the icing. Made brown bag lunches tolerable throughout elementary school. How many times did you see some kid you hardly were friends with during lunch whip out Dunkaroos and all of a sudden you were like "heyyyy, buddyyyy, can I get one of those?" Countless amounts for me. Also, the circle one with the 'D' in the middle was easily the best. Made for maximum icing holding with minimal mess.

9. All That:

Kenan Thompson, Kel Mitchell, Lori Beth Denberg, Josh Server, Amanda Bynes, Katrina Johnson. Unreal line up. No show on television could touch that if 'All That' made a comeback today. Oh, and the Good Burger segments from this show ended up giving us a movie. Thank you, Russ Tyler and your knuckle puck.. Next time I order a burger, I'll be sure to think of you. And did anyone else find Amanda Bynes strangely hot?

Yes, please.

8. The Lion King:
Find me anyone, guy or girl, who says they didn't cry when Mufassa died and I'll show you a liar. But despite the saddest scene in Disney movie history other than when Coach Bombay left the Mighty Ducks at the beginning of D3, The Lion King ran the table for best animated movie of our generation, hands down. That movie had everything; fatherly lessons, a love story (Simba and Nala), the saddest death scene ever, a taking parrot, and a kid lion growing up to own the hell out of his evil uncle Scar. PS - Was there a bigger dick head in the history of movies than Scar? I mean, the guy killed his own brother just so he could be king and hang out with Whoppi Goldberg and the other hyenas, made his nephew run away at the age of whatever he was, and then starved all of Pride Rock. I'm adding him to my "people I'd like to sucker punch" list, just ignore the the part where he's fictional.

7. Jock Jams:
Wow. Mind blown. Nothing is better than Dicky V screaming "IT'S AWESOME BABAYYY" at the start of the start of each mega mix to end the disc. And some of those songs were absolutely absurd. 'Unbelievable' by EMF, 'Let me clear my throat' by DJ Kool, and Chumbawamba's one hit wonder 'Tubthumping.' Three songs easily worth buying those cd's alone.

This guy..

6. Most every animated show from the 90's:
Hey! Arnold, Rugrats, Rocket Power, Doug, Animaniacs, The Magic School Bus, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, The Pinky and The Brain, Real Monsters, Arthur, The Angry Beavers, CatDog, and sometimes even The Wild Thornberry's, though that show usually sucked. But Rocket Power was actually unreal. Remember when Otto shot a stray puck that hit a lamppost or something before randomly screetching toward Sam's head while he was moving into the neighborhood and he just snagged it out of midair? "The Squid" playing goalie saved more often than Jesus Christ himself. Kid had an unreal glove hand despite easily being the worst athlete on the show, just like Goldberg in The Mighty Ducks. Don't get how that works, but I digress.
PS - Stoop Kid from 'Hey! Arnold' may have been a bigger jackass than Helga Pataki was.
PPS - I guarantee anyone reading this right now who can name even half of the countries in the world can do it solely because of the Animaniacs.

5. Will Smith:
Okay, so Will Smith is definitely still around, but that guy did everything in the 90's. Dropped unreal raps with DJ Jazzy Jeff, saved the world from an alien invasions twice in Independence Day and Men in Black, became the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, gave us some of the best songs ever in 'Miami' and 'Gettin' Jiggy Wit' It,' and sang about Y2K (which never happened). Awesome, awesome stuff. No wonder why he's still killing it two decades later.

4. Bill Nye the Science Guy:
BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! The science version of Bob Saget was unbelievable! I mean, science was far and away the crappiest subject through high school, but this bro's videos made my day amazing every time I was treated to his awesomeness on film! He also had the greatest intro song of any 90's television show, no question. Tell me you don't remember how that thing goes! Hell, I could still make it my ringtone today. "Science rules!"

3. Mario Kart:
Red shells, green shells, blue shells, bananas, that star of invincibility or whatever it was, lightning bolts, mushrooms, the ghost thing, I love it all! Still my favorite video game to this day by far. Simply amazing. I challenge anyone who reads this to a best of seven series in Mario Kart, and I guarantee a Mitchell victory. I haven't lost a Kart battle while sober since 'Nam. It just doesn't happen. I ran my mouth in front of some friends at the end of high school and got called out. Sixteen straight wins later and there were a lot less smiles on the faces of everyone around. Shottie Yoshi. But getting back to the point, Mario Kart and N64 were the most innovative things on this planet since hybrid cars and NASA. Yoshi was definitely the best character to play as, but why the hell was Princess Peach so good? What did she ever do that gave her so much skill? The 90's were just a wild, wild time… And Rainbow Road sucked.

2. Scholastic Book Orders:

Yeah, those. Reading sucks. To this day, there's nothing worse than trying to sit your ass down and read a book you're assigned for school when you have a 50" high def television and a stack of DVD's sitting around, or in our cases, a 16" cube with a VHS and some classic Disney tapes if we were lucky. But getting these things was AWESOME! All of a sudden, reading was the coolest f***ing thing on the planet, because I wanted EVERY single one of these freakin' books! "Oh! Matt Christopher wrote his fifth book about soccer in the past two years?! Yup! Sign me up!" And then you'd have to go ask your parents to cut you a check for some book you'd never read and more than likely got shut down, so you'd sulk and wait 'til you got next months list. Perpetual cycle of childhood hell.

1. Double Dare 2000:

Holy Santa Claus sh*t! Name me one show you'd rather be on than Double Dare? Those challenges were absurd. Pick the flag out of the giant nose while it dumps green slime on you, pass the flag to your mom who would jump into a pool filled with blue gel and swim it across to your dad, dad jumps through those circle squishy things and falls flat on his face before handing it off to your slow, non athletic sibling who had to miraculously land 6 whipped cream pies in the bowl your dad wore around his head across the stage before time ran out. And the prizes were absurd too! Like, "Hey! Congrats! You won a foosball table, a pinball machine, a lifetime supply of soccer balls, a VIP week long vacation at Universal Studios, OJ's right glove and a Seadoo!" I don't know about you, but if I was going on that show anytime soon, I can promise I'd have my entire family doing two-a-days of P90x workouts and shooting syringes of steroids into each others asses, no question. Game. Set. Match.

DARE! DOUBLE DARE! PHYSICAL CHALLENGE!

Honorable mention: Lunchables, Fruit Roll Ups, All That, 'Are you afraid of the Dark?', Space Jam, Mortal Combat arcade game, Oregon Trail, Kenan & Kel, Starter sports jackets.