10 NHL headlines you won't see by 3 pm tomorrow

It's the greatest hockey day of the year - NHL Trade Deadline day! To celebrate, here are some things that probably won't happen:

10. Sidney Crosby retires, allowing Penguins to make room for Ovechkin

9. Flyers find answer for playoff goaltending woes, add Roberto Luongo

8. After solid outing in Worchester Sharks pre-game puck spike, San Jose adds Rob Gronkowski for toughness

7. After partying out of control last night, Kings break up Carter, Richards

6. Florida Panthers forfeit season after entire roster tests positive for steroid use

5. Nashville adds more celebrity husbands, convince Mike Comrie to un-retire; Carrie Underwood pleased

4. John Biebe and rest of Saturday game crew seen shoveling off a new rink in preparation for Phoenix Coyotes relocation to Mystery, Alaska

3. Washington Capitals trade with Ducks, re-acquire Bruce Boudreau

2. Bruins' Chara, Marchand get two-for-one price, set on matching nose jobs

1. LeBron James convinces Rick Nash to take his talents to South Beach

HAPPY TRADE DEADLINE DAY, EVERYONE!!!